deleteyourself.

Hunting Camouflage patent diagram. (Weird patents)

“Garbage Palin” Sticker. by Garbage Pail Kids artist, John Pound.

Anyone with a Goofy fetish? (Link)

Asger Carlsen does some fucked up shit.

French people acting tough.

How to use a P.C.

Q: HI I´m from Bs As Argentina and with my girlfriend are traveling to NY in September. We love art, yoga, bikes, running and of course getting out. Could you recommend us 3 things that we can not miss. Thanks!!!

losvocalino

On a Saturday, head to the top of the High Line (31st street on the west side) and walk all the way down to the Standard Hotel. Hop off here and there along the way to check out the many galleries along the route. Gagosian is there.

Grab quick brunch, perhaps Standard Grille (make a reservation). Walk down to Bike Shop NY and rent a bike. Take the bike path down the hudson river, past battery park city, and then to the ferry over to Governors Island. Ride around on your bike around the paths and do some yoga on the open fields.

Come back into the city, freshen up at your hotel and hit dinner and drinks in the Lower East Side. Maybe try Sorella for italian food and walk over to White Slab Palace. Take a cab right over the bridge to Williamsburg and vomit all over yourself at one of the various bars. Pass out in a cab, wake up, take another nap.

Oh sweet Jesus, Anamanaguchi is playing in Williamsburg on Friday. I am posting this [via viral promotion] so they will invite me to the VIP pre-game party at one of the member’s apartments that is located above a nearby dildo store. I hear they get WILD.

Also, I heard Tyler the Creator might do a surprise set. Say hi to me and Tyler if you see us there.

Q: Do you make up stupid questions to ask yourself so you can respond like you're way smarter?

Anonymous

What if I wrote this question?

Part of my ongoing series “Steaks at my deli”

You should note that it was packed on July 15th and says to sell it by August 4th. I’d love to see the level of decomposition it is in at that point, a full 20 days later.

Q: Wow. You haven't an inch or a fucking morsel of comedy or good story telling... or like a gauge for what constitutes a "great ride home"

But keep staying positive, you hero!

Anonymous

omg thank you for your feedback. I’ll really try harder next time.

Oh boy oh boy did I have the best subway ride home yesterday. I usually walk Madison from my office on Bleeker to the 1st ave subway stop. By that distance she is usually pretty tired, and on a day with 90 degree heat, she was cooked medium rare.

I put her in her bag where her head sticks out and her tongue is going all over the place and got on the train to head one stop over to Brooklyn. When she pants a lot, she gets some excess saliva in her mouth (this is kinda sounding gross but she’s so cute, trust me. See above.). This saliva somehow gets up into her throat and SOMETIMES, sometimes it makes her sneeze.

Well there was a 60 something year old chinese woman standing next to me, and she was fully Mott Streeted down. Chinatown Chinese with red plastic grocery bags, if you know what I mean. Madison recoiled and did a full on sneeze that went directly into her face. The woman was understandably mortified, covered her face with her hands and started shaking her head like NOOOOOO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO. She turned around in reflex, grabbed the stranger next to her’s shirt and started whiping her face with it. That woman had on her iPod listening to music and starts going WHAT THE HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!

The Chinese woman is flipping out like someone threw acid in her face and this other woman is flipping out on the Chinese woman and I’m standing there like SORRY SORRY SORRY I’M REALLY SORRY! I couldn’t think of how to say “I’m sorry” in Chinese, mostly because I never learned it, and I can tell you my girlfriend has never said sorry to me before (JUST KIDDING, HI). All I could think of how to say is “thank you” and “can I have the check” which wasn’t useful at all in this situation.

Thankfully my stop came and I scrambled off the train. I stopped at a wine shop on the way home and asked the cashier if I could tell her what just happened to me. She just went “wow, go home right now and put that on Facebook.” I punched her in the face and said Google Plus, you fucking idiot. She died.

The Piano Table by Georg Bohle (Link)

Posterboy is still doing his thing to ads on New York subways. This mashup of McDonalds and Children’s hospital is inspired. (Link)

The weekend…Michelle, creepy dudes on the subway, Jamaican food, BT’s on lockdown, and a really enthusiastic beer sponsor.

About